courtneykrunk (courtneykrunk) wrote,

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Please tell me...

I am completely in Shock, I really am.

okay, so, im on music secret because i totally fell in love with it here on lj,
im browsing through the pictures and i come across Brad Andress, the bassist for the band Close to Home.
See i knew he had been suffering from cancer but he is strong.
So i see this picture and im like "hey i know him" auntomatically and i smile because its nice to see secrets about bands you like... am i right or am i right?
then i read the text

" I had a feeling back in the summer he wasn't going to make it, I kept checking his myspace to see how he was.  Im not a fan of his band... but i didnt want to be right"

i froze. literally. i froze. i read it over. i read it again. and then again.  How did i NOT know he passed away?
usually i keep up with this stuff, i just never seemed to get the message.

When i finally came back to my senses, i went to my myspace and clicked through a couple pages of friends  and went to their latest blog written october 6th and it said brad had passed away.  Again, HOW DID I NOW KNOW?  i new he was sick, i knew he was struggling.  there had been several times i would go to his myspace to see how he was, and i even thought about adding him but i never did because you know i didnt think he would have time to talk to me so i thought it was useless. but now i regret it.  I went to his myspace, i looked at his pictures.  I felt GUILTY.   I felt like i should have known sooner, i felt like i really wasnt a fan of his and i truely was, am.  But i feel like a lesser fan, a lesser... being because i just found out what? 9 days later.  i feel like shit.  But i really have no right to be saying that because unlike me, there were people who knew him and were close to him.  I never said anything to him but yet i felt like... i knew him.  i knew him in a sense that all the other people thats never met knew him.  Hes just that type of person.  That is rare among people.

I read his comments. people still leave him comment. i cried.  I cried at all the comments people left him, people he knew and people he didnt know.  People he helped and inspired to  stay happy,  never take life for granted. he sure didnt.  This is the first time i cried like i did since me and shawn broke up.  It felt good in a sense though.  Brad was an inspiration to so many people and heaven truely gained one of the most amazing and beautiful angels.  Hes up there rockin out with his bass having a blast.  I dont think ive ever been so touched before in my life.  Its really amazing that some people can have such a huge impact on others lives without actually knowing the person.  Brad was that type of person.  He impacted so many lives without even knowing it, and a lot of people he never knew personally.   His story will live on. it will be told, it will be inspiring to many.  He will keep on impacting and having good effects on peoples lives for years to come. 

Its a shame I never met him i would have loved to because he seemed like a great guy, but i know one day, i will have my chance.

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